Three months have passed and unfortunately things have happened, so I managed to not only raise my earnings at work but Sam is back, time with mom proved only one thing she hasn't changed one bit from the past if anything the experience from what she went through made her almost a worse person, she was nice to me the first and second day but then the final day was a total disaster, just yesterday I found out she attempted to exploit me (Again its an ongoing thing with her and anyone she had under her thumb) And it was the last straw so she's not staying at my house anymore.
That aside the three months allowed me to actually get a number of things in my life in order, like learning how to drive, arrange work, figure out how to tell dad about driving and leaving out moving and such and balancing still more things as well.
Unfortunately I couldn't still finish a number of things but the deadline has passed and I am well aware that I made a promise to be back and make another rant on her despite the fact of what just occurred.
My current plans are to continue working on jewelry, as I have a sale next weekend.
art, still have yet to fully complete any lineart even on the request (which has barely begun on that but will be done soon as I find time for it)
Rant on Emily
work (Workout is also what I call it since it tends to wear my body out most of the time and when I get home I am most of the time in need of some help)
Schedule is pretty full but this is why I don't try to fit much else into it unless it is appointments.
Work has by the way stifled me on a lot of creativity which is why when I get to the weekend I sometimes explode on art from time to time depending on the media, also it doesn't help that sometimes people try to get rid of sometimes VERY exotic things that boggle my mind, so much so that I often want to leave work for home and just start working on art, jewelry or anything automatically, oh yeah had to sacrifice my pride because one of the jobs they give me...... is dressing Barbie dolls that we seal in bags to sell........ Personally I have a thing against dolls they freak me out still its why the doll my mom gave me is kept in the same cabinet as the things I know bring me bad luck, so that I never have to touch or look at them.
It will take some time to put DA back on my schedule by the way..... unfortunately due to everything that's been happening and trying to keep myself stress free, (Trust me its not been that easy regardless) there has been an actual logical reason why DA has been out of my life for as long as it has.
I know I already said I was moving I said it was because of dad but the more I think about the more I realized this time away was needed to help me realize and let that out, Dad put me through hell again and I hate that idea, that like my mom before him is being in any shape abusive and I allow it to go on.
Like I told my mom at the end of our conversation my anger is completely justified and she did tell go ahead be mad at the world
No I was mad at her, and myself
Why? I allowed her to again get that close to me, I allowed her to know things about me that she had no business of that I full well knew was in her nature to exploit about me, like Dad she's manipulative emotionally, and she'll do things, so in a way when I said I was mad at her and myself, it was because I let it happen I ought to know better than to trust my own mother with how she is.
I lived with her and like with my father neither can be trusted, just like I can't be trusted, I try to be honest and while in the end I will tell the truth, the fact is this is why our family never worked out, they were manipulative, twisted and warped, always thinking that somehow they were in the right.
For me though I do my best to keep my word on things as best I can, I won't be on every day like I used to be however because of how much my life has changed however it does not change the fact that I am still there for those I care about, I've just had a lot of time to think things over than normal and ask some very heavy stuff, in the end, not even I know all the answers nor will I ever but that is the point of life to take a break every once in a while and try to relax and think about everything so that you don't wind up doing something shitty.
P.S. the computer I'm typing this on is my old one which unfortunately I have to work on from now on, I did not realize how much of a piece of crap it is XD Thanks guys for sticking with me despite everything I've done and more.